at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
