We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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