sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
