I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
