Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
