You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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