he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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