Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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