He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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