Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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