My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
