1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
