She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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