I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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