my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
