Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
