Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's never too late to be topless.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
