I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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