the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
