I just saw a hot homeless man
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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