Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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