you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
