Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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