i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
