He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
