Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
