After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
