My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
