if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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