Tell her she can't have a vagina
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
