I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
