Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
