she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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