There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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