you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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