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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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