you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
