Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
