Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Can i not drive my cunt home
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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