I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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