So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
