if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
