sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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