I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
