your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
