In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
