I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
