just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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