I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
