So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
