Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
