Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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